Pre-Weigh In Thoughts + Re-strategising

Hi guys,

This week has been terrible. I’m not going to come up with a load of excuses but basically I fell off the wagon immensely. I definitely need to get my mind into gear and focus on what I’m aiming for. I definitely think I’m up for a gain (again!) this week. I’m going to re-strategise and I’ve decided that I’m going to point for the first half of the week and do filling and healthy for the second half. I’m really struggling with the weekends at the minute and I just go totally overboard. I think if I do F&H at least it will give me a little flexibility whilst hopefully getting me to eat the right thing rather than endless junk and then going over my points!

My aim for last week was to work on my sleeping pattern – major fail there. I’m going to try extra hard this week. Also OH has politely asked me to clear the freezer and cupboards so I’m going to try and forego my weekly shop (big emphasis on try) and use bits I already have. I’m not sure how well that’s going to work for fresh fruit and veg but I do have some frozen I think and some bits left over from my veg box. We shall see.

Until next time.. x

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Weigh In Tuesday – 2lb on :(

Hi guys,

Weighed in this morning at 15st 4.75 lbs meaning a 2lb weight gain. I kind of saw it coming towards the end of the week as my sleeping pattern has gone haywire with my hayfever and some stressful family stuff going on. I’ve not necessarily been having extra meals when surviving on 3 hours sleep but I think during meal times my appetite has grown this week and I’ve not been drinking anywhere near enough water and overindulging on Pepsi Max’s in an attempt to stay awake during the day.

It’s ok though. Although my sleeping pattern isn’t quite back on track yet I’m going to try really hard to get my water intake up again and make sure I’m taking all my medication (I keep forgetting the odd one here and there and they seem to have an effect on water retention). Minimum 2.5L and I need to start exercising again rather than being lazy and taking my car everywhere which is the case at the minute! I will let you know how I get on!

Until next time.. x

Quick Update – 09.03.15

Hi guys,

Sorry I’ve been a bit AWOL again! I appreciate your patience. Just a quick update into life at the moment and hopefully you’ll understand why I’ve taken a little step back from blogging.

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, OH has severe depression. It’s been really hard coping for both of us and on top of that there’s been some family issues so I’ve been all over the place to be honest. I’ve not been sleeping properly for a few weeks and I just seem to be worrying non stop. Add into that 42 hours of work and 6 hours of college after work as well as trying to fit in SW and blogging it’s been really tough. Plus OH has been having difficulties breathing and we found out last week he had a lump on his lung. It’s been checked out today and he had a scan and everything and luckily it’s not cancerous. They think he tore a muscle and there’s a lot of fluid build up pressing on a nerve. I wish I was making all of this up but it’s been a seriously stressful few weeks.

Anyway, as you may or may not have imagined, it has meant that I’ve not been looking after myself as I should (I mentioned in my post a couple of weeks ago). I’ve literally been either forgetting to eat or comfort eating really badly. There’s been a lot of headaches, lethargic moments and just general restlessness and lack of sleep. I booked an appointment last week to see the doctor and ended up with a nurse practitioner who I feel, wasn’t listening to me and didn’t seem to know what she could do so I’ve rebooked another appointment on Thursday to see an actual doctor so hopefully he can help me get a handle on things. I’ve also started seeing a therapist just to help me get my thoughts in order. It’s been helpful but after each session so far it’s felt really draining. Hopefully it will help and I can start getting my life back on track a bit.

Sorry for the ramble. My plan of action at the moment is just to try and get back into having three meals a day and a couple of snacks and just trying to not eat junk and being relatively healthy. Also get back into drinking water and lots of it! I’m not sure if I’m going to be 100% on SW at the minute but I will try and get back onto getting my meals blogged even if it’s not necessarily SW-friendly. Just small baby steps for now I think. I hope you can bear with me whilst I try and get my head back into things (I seem to be repeating that a lot!).

Until next time.. x (and hopefully it will be soon!)

Coping with Loved Ones During Your Weight Loss Journey

Hi guys,

This post is quite off topic from my usual posts as you will soon see. It mainly stems from some stuff that’s been happening the last couple of weeks that I’ve wanted to get off my chest and I’m just wondering if anyone’s having the same experiences as me.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned in my previous blogs but I’m the eldest of three kids and my whole family is pretty much super skinny. I’ve never fit in and my parents have always been worried about what I’m eating and how much I’m eating. I’ve never really stuck to a diet before Slimming World and it’s been quite novel to lose some weight instead of gaining it.

As you can see from my food photos that I eat quite often in the day. I’ve found that I’m more likely to stay on track when I’ve eat quite often and I’m less likely to binge. One of my Dad’s friends has been helping us out at work lately and he mentioned the other day that he always sees me eating (I tend to spread out my lunch over an hour having a bite here and there as I’m working) and asked me how many times I eat a day. As it happened to be a college day, I said I had planned 3 meals and 3 snacks and him and my Dad went on for around 15 minutes on how I’m eating too much and there’s no way I would lose weight.

I can be quite pedantic when it comes to little jibes like this and so (although SW is not calorie counting, I just wanted to make a point) I went on MyFitnessPal and logged my planned food for the day. It came to around 1800 calories. Both him and my Dad tend to have 2 meals a day, with one being a pot noodle. I tried telling them it’s not the amount but the quality. The pot noodle came to just under 600 calories whereas my lunch (which I was eating at the time) came to about 275 (4 ryvita, Philadelphia lightest, ham slices & cherry tomatoes).

Anyhow, it wasn’t this that really upset me. Yesterday, as you know if you caught up on my blogs, I weighed in at 3lbs less and I was really happy as it was what I was aiming for. When I told them and that’s what worked for my body, I was greeted with the words “3lbs? That’s wrong – your scales must be broken”. There was a lot of eye rolling on my part – but what hurt me the most is what my Mum said as she walked past (knowing how difficult I’ve found this journey and the struggles I’ve grown up with) “3lbs is nothing – I can p*ss 3lbs! It can’t be that hard!”

It just made me think how ignorant people who are close to us can be. I briefly chatted about it to my sister and she was like “oh, she probably just doesn’t realise it – no need to get all upset”. I think if it was anyone else, like my Dad or his friend, I wouldn’t of given a toss. It was the fact it was my Mum who knows my journey almost better than myself. She is fully aware I’m an emotional eater as she is one as well. She has been struggling with a recent weight gain and I’ve been trying to get her to come with me to class (though she’s having none of it) and so it does hurt when I feel like she should know where I’m coming from.

I’m very lucky to have a very supportive OH. I can’t imagine how difficult it can be when you don’t have someone there behind you and those close to you (probably not deliberately) have jibes about you and your weight loss. I know if I didn’t have that support, it would have probably set me back a couple of weeks. I would have binged and spent my evening thinking how my weight’s coming off so slow I shouldn’t bother and clearly it’s not making a difference by the way people are talking to me. That’s not to say I didn’t have a little more chocolate than I should have today but baby steps, right?

So I am more determined than ever to shift this weight. As my sister and OH said – these 3lbs add up and hopefully I’ll be half my size by the end of this year and I’m going to make sure I have a good week. I’m sorry for the long post and the dreariness. If you’re reading this and not actually in need of losing weight, if you do have a loved one who is, encourage them on their journey. Give them a compliment and it will make them more motivated that what they’re doing is working.

Until next time.. x

Emotional Eating – Why I Binge.

Hi guys,

Well, I did write a whole ten paragraph post originally and when I went to save my draft to publish later, the whole thing disappeared. Talk about being gutted. I was thinking that I just wasted the last fifteen minutes of my life but now, I feel quite cathartic. However, it does mean that this post will be considerably shorter (I can hear you cheering now!). I feel I have to mention it’s more serious in tone, so feel free to skip to other posts if it’s not your thing.

What got me to write this was that pretty much about 4 hours after I posted my weigh in post with my 4lb gain, I went on a binge. It made me realise two things: I need to not depend on other people to be happy and that I binge a whole lot less than I used to. To give you an idea of how much less I binge – tonight: two individual steak pies and three clementines, four months ago: I would have driven to KFC/McDonalds and ordered about £20 of junk and scoffed it within fifteen minutes.

It made me think of where it started. As all good psychologists know, it’s a childhood thing (well, maybe not all, but mine definitely is). My Mum was very controlling with my food. Rather than try and explain healthy eating and letting me learn from my mistakes, she would make sure I only ate what she let me. I’d have a separate plate I could only eat from whereas the rest of my family could eat what they wanted and how much they wanted. I think the endorphins from sneaking a chocolate bar or a bag of crisps was ingrained into me at such a young age that when I’m feeling really sad, I just gorge on anything to make me feel better (which doesn’t usually happen. I usually feel sick, lethargic and rubbish in general).

On another note, I have realised that although I don’t care for people’s opinion of me in general, when it comes to my Mum or my fiancé, I have to feel their approval. No idea why, I’ve only just realised it myself. I think a big part of my SW journey will be (as corny as it sounds) finding myself and what makes me truly happy. Along with that (seeing as it is New Year’s Eve – how apt), I’m going to wean myself off all this binging business. It’s a horrible cycle and there’s no happiness in it (feel crap emotionally and after the binge feel fat and crap before being depressed and eating more).

In my now non-existent essay, I mentioned how this realisation has felt like a small non-scale victory. I’m changing how I think about food and hopefully in the future, how I approach it. It’s not going to be a miracle overnight thing but baby steps, right?

So.. I will have my post on the new packs tomorrow. I finish work early so I’ll have a couple of hours to myself to write it up and give a clear view on it. Also I have given myself an extra push to get myself together and kick start the weight loss again so that will be up in the next few days as well.

Until next time.. x

PS. Happy New Year!

Sunday – Wednesday Round Up (7th – 10th Dec)

Hi guys,

Sorry this is a tad bit late. As you know from previous posts, I’ve had a bit of a rubbish week so getting myself to post this was quite hard! I guess this is how I’m changing my life around though as it’s making me more accountable 🙂 I’ve had an OK day today (Thurs). I’ve had massive stomach cramps all last night and today (probably from all the junk I’ve been eating!) so I’ve not eaten as much as I would normally and it’s given me a chance to get back to basics.

Sunday

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Breakfast: congee with beef slices, ginger and preserved cabbage (s)

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Lunch snack: soy salmon pieces

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Dinner: pork bone soup with green radish (s), Chinese mushroom (s), carrots (s), tomatoes (s) and celery (s).

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Dessert: 3 clementines (s) and an amaretto coffee

Monday

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Breakfast: congee with beef slices, preserved cabbage (s) and spring onions (s)

2014-12-08 13.21.16  2014-12-08 14.13.18

Lunch: pork bone soup with Chinese mushroom (s), carrots (s), celery (s), tomato (s) (3 syns with pork ribs) and a banana

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Snack: clementine (s) and a banana

2014-12-08 20.44.32 2014-12-08 20.48.33 2014-12-08 21.14.07 2014-12-08 21.44.58 2014-12-08 22.18.12

Dinner: we headed to Red’s in Leeds with a friend which was hastily rearranged as we were supposed to go next week. I had a few sips of the bourbon bacon milkshake, the starter mixed ribs, the juicy lucifer burger with fries (which my OH had and I had some of his pit beans), frickles (really disappointing so I only had a couple) and slaw. As you can see I left a lot – I had about 3/4 of the burger and half the slaw. Somehow I lost myself and ordered dessert (pecan and salted caramel peach cobbler with ice cream) and it was so sickly sweet I only ate about half (of the cobbler part).

Tuesday

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Breakfast: I ate a pandan swiss roll slice (cringe!) and some congee with beef slices, preserved cabbage (s) and spring onions (s).

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College snack: cottage pie and spiral fries with a pepsi max

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Dinner: a mix of congee and soup – beef slices, tomato (s), celery (s), spring onions (s), Chinese mushroom (s) green radish (s), carrots (s)

Wednesday

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Breakfast: cup of tea (HEA) with o% natural yoghurt with strawberries (ss), banana and cherries (s)

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Lunch: yakisoba teriyaki noodles

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Dinner: soft shell crab with wasabi mayo (the weirdest thing I’ve ever eaten and much of it was left on the plate!) and a beef massaman curry with garlic rice, jasmine tea and a diet coke.

Yeah, so this week has been one hell of a write off. I feel really rubbish for it too. What I’m dreading is that next week we’re out again (for Christmas lunch with my Mum and sisters and to a friend’s work do at Nando’s) which isn’t too bad I suppose but I think I just want to curl up in a ball at home and not eat until next week (which is obviously unsafe and not actually happening!). As I said, Thursday hasn’t been too bad – I haven’t been to college tonight so no rubbish to choose from. Tomorrow I think I’m trying to make Big Mac in a bowl so that will be interesting. I feel I’ve gone majorly off the food plan for this week and my fridge just seems ridiculously full!

Until next time.. x

 

 

Tuesday Struggles

Hi guys,

I seem to be currently participating in my own Blogmas with all these posts! I hope I’m not boring you too much but it’s definitely keeping me focussed.

Today has been really hard. I don’t know whether it’s the weather or some of my brain cells have frozen but I’ve literally wanted to eat the entire contents of my fridge. And the cupboards 😦

I don’t think it’s helped much that I’ve been going out so much for dinner as well. One of my friends is leaving to go back to China for good so we are currently in the midst of visiting several restaurants before he leaves in a couple of weeks. We had sushi last week and an impromptu visit to Red’s True BBQ in Leeds as we had to rearrange and tomorrow we’re off to have Thai food as well as going to a friend’s work’s Christmas do on the Sunday and then it’s our work’s Christmas do on the Saturday.

I was really disappointed in myself yesterday though. We were at Red’s and I had planned what I wanted and had eaten pretty light (congee, soup and fruit) beforehand and yet despite eating only half my food I decided on dessert. If you knew me well, you’d know I never really have dessert. I eat fruit after dinner and that’s pretty much it. What on Earth possessed me to order the Pecan and Salted Caramel Peach Cobbler with pecan fudge ice cream – I will never know. It was so sickly sweet as well (especially as I no longer really have sugar in anything) but I just couldn’t help myself. What was worse though was that I felt so unwell for the rest of the evening and into today.

I am really tempted to just say.. It’s ok, I’ll just take a break until after Christmas but I can’t help but imagine me putting on all the weight I’ve tried so hard losing these past few weeks! Bearing that in mind, this time last year I would have just said f*** it, I’m just going to stuff my face until New Year, feel guilty and carry on eating until I can’t stand myself again. So I guess you have to celebrate the small wins, right?

I’m hoping to be able to kick my ass into gear now with only a couple of weeks until Christmas. I think I may try and weigh in on Saturday rather than the Wednesday as I seem to be needing to be in several places at once. That and I hope to shift the Red’s food baby by then. You can hope, right?

Sorry guys for the ramble. I just wanted to put my thoughts into words and hopefully once I’ve moved past this eating myself out of house and home stage, I can read back and feel glad that I’ve come out of it (positively!).

Until next time.. x